What If?

What if your pastor treated you the way you treat him?

What if your pastor scrutinized your every word and visibly chuckled whenever you made a grammatical error or verbal slip?

What if  your pastor dozed off every time you spoke to him?

What if  your pastor got upset and blamed you whenever someone in your large extended family did anything remotely close to offending him?

What if  your pastor felt he was justified in being angry at you for passing along your boss’s messages?

What if your pastor made sure you got paid very little and expected you to be happy about it?

What if  your pastor expected you to make every idea he had a priority in your life and hounded you the moment he felt that it wasn’t so?

What if, after you had prepared all week for his visit,  your pastor decides not to come because he was up late Saturday night hanging out with friends?

What if your pastor expected your kids to never disobey?

What if your pastor demanded that you be perfect?

What if your pastor felt he had the right to make decisions about how you should decorate your office?

What if your pastor got angry because you didn’t say “Hi” to him at church or spent more time with someone else?

What if  your pastor wrote you a harsh email every time you said something he deemed offensive?

What if your pastor expected you to never be discouraged or need to be served?

What if your pastor never served you despite you giving your life to him?

What if, after all that, your pastor sincerely asked you why it’s so difficult being you?

Pity Parties are Anything But

My posts are often birthed from thoughts I have that are whittled down to Tweets/Facebook posts that are then rehydrated into a blog post.  This post is one such example stemming from this Tweet:

One of the best ways to fight discouragement is to encourage others. Pity parties are a paralyzing manifestation of pride. #others

We all face discouragement at different times, on different levels, and spurred by different circumstances.  Trust me, I know.  I’m a pastor.  There is no other profession in which discouragement is so embedded in the job description and inseparable from the vocation.  So, as I write this, know that I speak not merely from the understanding of biblical truth but also the reality of human life.

The danger of discouragement is the temptation to dwell and feel sorry for oneself.  Pity parties are paralyzing in that the focus becomes self and not others, me and not Christ.  Hence, it is a valid definition of pride.  However, to allow a pity party to continue can lead to even greater devastation.  The hellish tentacles of that pity party soon engulf others in a sinful way.  One easily begins to start blaming others, criticizing, and judging.  Assumptions are conveniently made to feed your sinful thinking.  What is forged in pride will not soon depart from that original sin, so the pride begins to convince you that you deserve better.  The unbiblical sense of entitlement convinces you that others should have treated you better, served you more, or simply been a better friend.  Your attitude that began with only thinking of yourself now thinks of others but in a horrible, godless way:  as the enemy.  You harbor bitterness and hold grudges all the while that chip on your shoulder gets bigger and bigger and bigger.

All, from a simple pity party.

Friends, when you are discouraged, that’s okay.  How you respond is what is most crucial.  Take your eyes off yourself and put them on someone else.  Upset that nobody liked your Facebook comment?  Go like someone else’s.  Sad that nobody called you on your special day?  Pick up the phone and encourage someone else.  Upset that nobody notices?  Notice.

Skip the bath, keep the ice cream in the freezer, ditch the pity party and serve!

How Dare You?

You’re stressing out all day about making sure your son gets a well-balanced diet.  Trips to the grocery store leading to frustration in finding that supposedly key ingredient combined with fear over the rise of food allergies and the stress of budget constraints connected to the high prices of organics.  Then comes the prep.  You slave away in the kitchen, making it just right because you want to make your special little guy happy.  You sigh a breath of relief as you put it on the table, bow your head in prayer, and your precious adorable son literally picks up the food, screams “Yuck” and throws it on your blouse.  Hours of anxiety and preparation decimated in 3 seconds.

“How…dare…you!!!”  It’s grammatically a question but comes out like an accusation.  There’s no appreciation for your hard work. No understanding of what went into that majestic meal.  Just selfish ingratitude that you’ve just about had enough of.

Thank God for His patience with US.

Ever complained that your cell phone is too slow?  Ever mumbled Christian swear words under  your breath while stuck in traffic?  Ever complained that a meal was too salty?

Ever complained about the ingratitude of sinners while you hung on a cross?  No?  Neither did He.

Like children, we focus on what we want and think we deserve because we have forgotten mercy.  We have forgotten that by our own hard, strategic, exhausting effort we have earned eternal hell and spiritual death.  Yes, you earned it.  Romans 6:23 says “the wages of sin is death.”

You have also forgotten grace.  Not only that salvation is a gift but every blessing, every taste, every breath, every gadget, and every modern convenience is something God has gifted you not because you earned it but because He did.

Somewhere along the road, the church has bought into the secular culture’s attitude of entitlement.  And when that sinful thinking comes to fruition in the minds and hearts of the children of God, there is something seriously wrong and repentance is  desperately needed.  Our desire for attention and personal satisfaction have trained us to quickly find the negative in even the most positive of things.  Complaints and negativity are grandfathered by pride and judgments.

Focus on that which comes from of God (Phil 4:8) and not your own sinful heart.  Because every time your complain, your Creator has every right to demand, “How dare you?”

Hypocritical Election Prayer

The passage most consuming my mind as the presidential election dawns is 1 Timothy 2:1-2:  First of all, then, I urge that entreaties and prayers, petitions and thanksgivings, be made on behalf of all men, for kings and all who are in authority, in order that we may lead a tranquil and quiet life in all godliness and dignity.

A hypocritical prayer is often described as praying for something while not acting upon it.  Praying, for example, for good grades then refusing to study would be hypocritical.  This is not so much a “God helps those who help themselves” issue but an issue of actions speaking louder than words especially as it relates to one’s heart’s desires.

When it comes to my vote in the presidential election, I want to vote in line with the prayer that is commanded in 1 Timothy 2:2.  The end goal of the prayer is believers being able to practice their faith in tranquility and peace while living out the fullness of their beliefs (all godliness) without being being mocked, afraid, or socially outcast (dignity).  So, my vote will go to the candidate who’s platform will not make it harder to be a Christian in America.

Spending some time looking at the state of Christianity around the globe (for some, this means focusing less on politics and more on your international brethren) will reveal that this is already happening elsewhere.  Pastors in 1st world countries who have constitutional freedom of speech and freedom of religion are being imprisoned for preaching God’s Word; simply publicly agreeing with statements from the Bible on issues such as homosexuality and life are considered hate speech warranting jail time or worse.

If praying for something you are not willing to act upon is hypocritical, then so is praying “for kings and all who are in authority, in order that we may lead a tranquil and quiet life in all godliness and dignity” and then voting for a candidate whose policies will do the opposite.

Voting Falls Under “All”

If believers are to do “all to the glory of God” then the decision we make on November 6th is part of that “all.”

When you decide on which candidate you are voting for, is your decision biblically based and Kingdom motivated?  Regardless of whom you vote for, make sure you don’t compartmentalize your life when it comes to the presidential election.  In 2008, I heard very compelling biblical arguments from strong Christian friends on both sides of the debate.  But that’s the point:  their vote was based on their God-centered convictions.  They were not based on their emotions, personal experience, anger, economic status, or other issues the world tries desperately (often successfully) to make us value above Christ.

You may have biblical support for whom you are planning to vote for, but was that support an afterthought?  In other words, is your primary motivation based on Scripture, or is it based on secular reasons followed by tagging on Christian sounding reasoning because you feel obligated to so?  You wouldn’t accept that kind of thinking in any other aspect of your Christian life, so why is it acceptable here?

You have to make the right, informed, God-honoring, biblical decision.  I’m thankful for the separation of church and state but, for the believer, there is no separation between God and politics because, for the believer, there is no separation between God and anything.

When the Helper Doesn’t Heed or the Head Doesn’t Lead

Colossians 3:18-19 tells us:  Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.  Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.

Although much more is taught elsewhere in the Scriptures regarding the roles of the husband and wife, when addressing the Colossians Paul is concise and to the point.  I won’t expound on these biblical roles here, but want to address the ramifications of one or the other member of this holy union not doing his or her part.  (If you’re looking for more of my thoughts, my sermon on the topic can be found here:  Righteous Relationships, Part 1: Husband and Wife.)

All 3 commands (1 to the wife and 2 to the husband) must be obeyed regardless of the obedience (or even the spiritual state) of the spouse as this is ultimately for the Lord’s glory.  While evangelism is not primarily for the salvation of the lost but the obedience to and glory of Christ, the unbeliever receives enormous benefit (even if he doesn’t repent).  In like manner, the obedience of the husband and wife is first for the Lord and only secondarily for the spouse.

Either way, like the gears of a clock, every gear can only run smoothly and effectively if all the other gears are doing their part.  So, while the submission of the wife is necessary regardless of the husband’s response, her obedience is made much easier if the husband is doing his part and vice versa.  The end result is a happy and godly marriage.

What happens if one or the other in the relationship is not doing their part?  One of many devastating results.

1.  Sin.  Disobedience is sin, and sin is sin.  It matters not if your spouse doesn’t care that you are not obeying because God cares.  You need to look past your spouse and to the Lord.  Remember,  you are first and foremost a child of God and your role as a  husband or wife is secondary.

2.  Rob God.  As with all sin, you rob God of the glory He deserves when you are not living in obedience with the right heart attitude.  As a married couple, you have the amazing privilege of serving as an earthly picture of Christ’s love for the Church and the Church’s submission to Him.  This is not a burden but a joy, and if you see it any other way you need to seriously evaluate your relationship with Christ.

3.  Fear.  When a marriage is not lived in accordance with Scripture, arguments, bouts of the silent treatment, eruptions of rage, etc. are all inevitable results and, incidentally, all have absolutely no place in a Christian marriage.  And in case you think I’m encouraging you to bottle it all in, I’m not.  That’s just as bad, if not worse, than coming to blows (yes, it’s that bad).  When these sinful responses to your spouse occur, you create a home where you force your spouse into walking on eggshells, and a snowball effect begins.  You are so desperate to avoid arguments that you create a wordly status quo and learn what to say and what not to say simply to keep the peace. In so doing, you create an even greater problem by shutting out biblical communication and love which demand honesty and the confrontation of sin.  This is why you can meet a Christian who quickly confronts people at church and easily shows people’s errors during small group but never says a word of correction to their spouse.  They’re afraid.  Maybe not afraid of the spouse per se but afraid of rocking the boat.

4.  Settling.  Have you ever met a couple that’s been married a few years and wonder how such godly individuals can live together yet there is such constant sin in their lives?  Whether it’s a gossiping wife or a rude husband the couple has settled.  They’re in cruise control.  They have found a happy medium that involves getting used to their spouse’s sins (which they erroneously label “personality”) to the degree that they don’t even notice.  Yes, marriage is about give and take and meeting halfway, but that’s in reference to things like closet space, how many kids you want, and where to poop when the other is brushing his teeth.  It is not meeting someone halfway by tolerating sin!  Your spouse is your spouse but also a brother or sister in Christ.  When you are more concerned about pleasing him or her or about keeping your marriage safe than you are about their walk with God then you have missed the whole point of marriage.  Again, it’s about God, not you!

5.  Rob Yourself.  When you don’t live according to Scripture in your marriage you rob yourself of blessing. Submitting to your husband or loving your wife will not result in a miraculous shower of gold nuggets but, as with all obedience, there is blessing when things are done right.  Stop taking cues from society and look to the Word.  God instituted marriage and when it’s done His way then you will have a happy marriage, a godly home, and a stronger church.  Yes, your obedience in marriage affects the church and, as the building blocks of society, as the family goes so goes our entire culture.  Ironically, we look to Hollywood more than we do to God to try to create a happy marriage and although that feeds our addiction to false notions of romance and our pathetic need for drama, we rob ourselves of blessing from the Giver of all good things.

There are many other negative consequences of marriage-specific disobedience, but those are a few to get your mind thinking.   Hope that helps.

Emotional Toll

Man walks into house.
Man finds wife crying.
Man angry at friend for making wife cry.
Man driven by wife’s tears.
Man makes series of wrong decisions.

In the anecdote above, the problem is not the emotions of the moment.  It is as natural to cry and mourn as it is to be elated and rejoice.  The problem comes when decisions and life are driven by emotions.

Emotions are a good thing.  They represent a fundamental reality of being human and help us reflect our emotional God.  Emotions have their place, but those tricky little devils like to get out of line.  Emotions must be a response to truth; truth cannot be dictated by emotions.   In the heat of the moment, this can be tough to remember since emotions tend to cloud judgment and drive men to improper actions.  Christians, then, must learn to control their emotions which, truth be told, is easier said than done.

The descriptions of a real man that can often be dismissed as weak or girly are, in fact, much harder to master than simply letting your emotions run wild.  The biblical concepts of humility and gentleness (derived in the Greek from the act of taming a wild horse) take much discipline and spiritual fortitude to practice.  After all, we would all agree that the proverbial man in the bar who calls the guy who refuses to fight a “wimp” is actually the weaker of the two as he is ready to give into emotions and let his fists fly while the truly strong one is controlling his emotions, thoughts, and, hence, his fists.

Decisions based on emotions are not a good thing.  We must live by truth and not by feelings.  This is one of the reasons we are commanded not to get “drunk with wine” (Eph. 5:18), a command found in the context of a warning against foolishness (lacking reason, ignorant) and an imperative to encourage others with the truth of  God.  Paul also tells us to let our minds dwell on that which is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and of good repute as well as anything of excellence and worthy of praise (Phil. 4:8).  In other words, think on objective truth not subjective emotions.

I take no pleasure in seeing anyone cry, but the heart-wrenching nature of the situation at hand must not replace biblical truth as the authority of your will and the root of your decisions.